Seriously Sirius
by Bella Caterina
Summary: The journal of the infamous Sirius Black during his time in Hogwarts. Full of laughter about his friends, family and his whole life. But beware, everything written here is "seriously" twisted.
1. The Journal Remus can't read

**A/N:** _My official previewer cracked up at this first chapter. Hopefully you will like it took. Enjoy._

Dear Diary, **13/11/1977**

Wait. Scratch that, it sounds so lame. Its like something Snivellus would write into his  
pathetic little gothic journal, recording all his depressing problems with life. Probably including how the anti-grease shampoo failed to work. Uh, there's an unpleasant thought. Snivelly in the shower. I swear the shivers up and down my spine just then weren't pretty. That is if he 'does' actually shower...

There's only one real main reason while I'm doing this, I'm copying Moony. Well, that and James is at Quidditch practice and I can't be bothered tolerating with anyone else at time.

It was a couple of nights ago in the Common Room and I was seeing how many times I could throw a Bertie Bots Every Flavor Bean and catch in my mouth. I was up to about 4 in a row when a choked on an Earwax flavor one, coughed and ended up flat on my back, half dead.

Okay, I'm exaggerating, I was almost dead. And Moony, the pratt, didn't bother a glance up at me from his book he was writing into to. Narrowing my eyes at him, I jumped to my feet, stole his book and ran away with it. People, this is boredom I'm talking about. It does things to you.

Obviously this book was important to Remus chased after me all the way up to the boy's dorms. Finally, Some entertainment besides embarrassing the hell outta Peter until he wets himself. Anyhoo, I attempted a commando roll onto my own bed, sorta..missed..and fell onto the wooden floor with a loud thump. Remus walked around the side of my bed and snatched the book outta of my hands, ignoring my constant whining and complaints.

"Serves you right" Remus breathed down at me, snapping the book shut with his fingertips.

I groaned once more and sat up, rubbing the back of my head and glanced up at Remus as if I had just experienced the most painful thing in my life. He rolled his eyes and held out his right hand to help me off the floor. Grateful, I took his hand and got to my feet, taking this opportunity to attempt to snatch the book again. But being a smartass and a quick learner, Remus dodged my surprise attack.

"Oh come on Moony, no secrets ever slip between us"

"What makes you think there's secrets in this?"

"Well, why would anyone run after someone if they just stole their homework?"

Remus smiled and stared at the small navy blue book gripped in his hands. Breathing a sigh, he turned and made his way out of the dorms again with me following by his side. "It's a journal if you must know"

"Letme see then"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"'Cause I don't want you to"

"That's stupid, let me see!"

My third attempt to snatch the book failed miserably again. Remus frowned at me as we reached the end of the stairs landing us back into the Gryffindor Common Room again. I narrowed my eyes at him and took a seat opposite from his seat on the couch were we began, eyeing him evilly. Remus had his 'journal' opened again and began writing in it some more, not taking his eyes off his work as he spoke.

"Fine, I'll start my own"

"Good, you do that"

Not the answer I wanted.

"Don't you want to look at it?"

"No"

"Why?"

"Because journals are private"

"Fine, then you can't look at mine then"

"Didn't want to"

Semi Silence.

"Can I see yours now?"

"No"

"You're no fun"

"I thought you were starting your own" Remus raised an eyebrow and looked up and straight at me. I shrugged and slouched in my arm chair once again, taking a hand full of more beans to munch on. "I will when I can be bothered"

So this Journal is officially used so Remus can't read it. If you're thinking "How childish is that..." Then you obviously have no idea what you're in for. This journal is all about Sirius Black. And I've wasted my first entry talking about this crap. Oh well...


	2. One Sick Twisted Family

**A/N:** _I wasn't sure if i was going to finish Reality Mix-up...I guess it was a good story, but I'm enjoying writing this one at the moment. I guess I can squeeze in 1 or 2 more chapters in my spare time. I can't leave it un-finished, so I will finish it then. There's a question answered for someone who reviewed the story earlier._

**20/11/1977**

"If we have to start somewhere, it might as well be the beginning."

Oh fabulous, now I'm quoting my grandfather. Grandfather...Family...Lets start with my insane and down-right-dangerous family.

Let me take this opportunity to send a small note to god: "WHY ME?"

Out of all the crazy families out there, mine is the leader of them all. The ruler, the king, the god even, of all crazy families in the history of time. What's that you say? "They can't be THAT bad?" Ohhh, believe me. They are.

It wasn't always like that. My childhood was somewhat pleasant. But you see, my family comes from the dark side of witchcraft and wizardry. So I had no choice, I had to be bad like them, or I could just lose their respect...

When I got accepted into Hogwarts, it was no real surprise. I have quite a big family, cousins and all. But since I was the first on my side of the family to be accepted, Mum was prancing around like it was a big deal, so happy that her ickle Sirius had been accepted into this big mofo castle that teaches you how to pull rabbits out of top hats. Well, it was more than that, and I knew it. But at the time it wasn't a great deal. I wanted to run free of homework, skipping in the green meadows and live the carefree childhood I already had. Unfortunately, that carefree life just shattered into pieces.

So, September first, 1971, my big ass family was set for another year at Hogwarts. Oh the excitement! Mum glanced down on me sharply, looking much stressed. I remember thinking she needed a vacation. But her stressed face aging with wrinkles changed into a flashing smile as she patted the top of my head like I was a pet dog. "Sirius, I know you're going to make me so proud! Your cousins set wonderful examples, so you have to follow them" Mum grinned at me as I shot a glance at my 3 female cousins boarding the train. Narcissa, Bellatrix and Andromeda. Such "perfect" examples.

Everyone expected me to be Slytherin. Let me quote my Grandfather again. "For generations and generations, the Black family has been sorted into the Slytherin house..." and then he'd blabber on about how great this stupid green and silver snake house was. Why do I even remember my Grandfathers rambling? I guess all that talk got burned into my brain so I could look like a smartass and quote him when I feel like it. Neat.

Anyway, I'll never EVER forget my cousin's faces when that ragged old Sorting hat screamed out "GRYFFINDOR". Their mouths dropped open. Shock horror, I was an outsider. A disgrace. A MUGGLE LOVER! OH NO! NOT SIRIUS!

Shut up Sirius, you're exaggerating. Again.

So that was it. I wasn't going to be eating with my family. Instead, I plopped myself down by myself at the Gryffindor table on the other side of the hall, looking like a loner. It wasn't until I was joined with a pale depressed sort of looking bloke and a skinny kid with glasses. Little did I know, these two were my new best friends through my whole time in this castle.

Straight after dinner, I suspected Bellatrix or Narcissa sent an owl to mum explaining how I had been sorted into the "wrong" house. I found that out with a howler at breakfast the next morning. Who could have thought a screaming piece of red parchment could be so...embarrassing? And the fact it was my mothers voice made it twice as bad. Andromeda was quite pleased at me. She turned into a "muggle loving freak" (So my younger brother, Regulas describes it) in her time in Hogwarts. So when they found out I was friends with a boy with the surname "Potter", I was a "double-back-stabbing-no-longer-claimed-as-apart-of-this-family muggle loving freak" And that killed the peace in my family.

To be honest, I couldn't give a crap. They're all nutters anyway. So that's why I stay here for Christmas and dread the Holidays.

Toodles!

**A/N:** _-grins-_


	3. We're Famous

**30/11/1977**

I introduce you to, The Marauders.

Right, before I start, if some random has picked up this book from somewhere and is reading this now, here are a few things I'd like to say to them.

1) You shouldn't be reading MY journal! Remus is the expert on Journal Privacy. Go ask him why you can't read it.

2) Content written in this entry may be offensive to some students and an embarrassment to victims of our pranks. Extreme embarrassment all together to anyone under the name "Snivellus"

(Prongs just looked over my shoulder to see what I was doing. And he dissed my messy scrawl handwriting. You diss my messy scrawl, I diss YOU!!!)

Prongs (James) is my supposed best friend. He's that skinny kid with the glasses I was talking about before. Funny guy, weird obsessions. Well, not all of them. His Quidditch obsession is alright, just not that fiery red head that keeps rejecting him. He doesn't understand that girl, I'll explain more of her later on. Alwell, that's James Potter for you. He's apart of the Marauders, now for ze odda's...

Moony (Remus) is also apart of our little gang. He's the pale, depressed looking kid. He actually has his reasons for that...but I'll explain that later too. Uh...He's got lightish brown hair, pale looking...I hate describing my friends. Because I only describe females, so when I describe my mates it makes me feel...well...gay. Anyway, moving on...

Wormtail (Peter) is the weirdest in the group. Actually, it would only be us three if he wasn't such a tagalong. Scratch that, he might cry if he read that. He worships us. Literally. It's like we're fricken gods to him. It's quite amusing actually. We thought "what the hell..." and let him become a Marauder.

Okay, so now you know all of us, I'll show you why were so famous.

Hell yes we're famous! We're known throughout the school. Some student's fear us, others find us amusing but mainly teachers hate us. We prank, joke, taunt, tease, scare, entertain and annoy the crap outta everything we can. It really is the best life in the world. If I'd known being a Marauder was so great, I would have skipped my childhood.

Now I need an example of one of our brilliant moments...

Umm...

Shut up, there IS some, just I can never think of them straight away...

Uh...

Oh! I got one!

The time when Prongs and I flooded the girl's dorms with cane toads over night. It was hilarious, but it wasn't easy. We're not "allowed" up the girl dorms stairs, so we flew on our brooms outside and shoved the toads into the windows. Some chick called Stephanie won the screaming competition. Wouldn't be surprised if the whole fricken castle heard her shriek. We copped it after wards though. I don't know why...but whenever something like that happens, we're ALWAYS the first to blame. I mean, it could have been ANYONE!

Even though it is always us...that's not the point.

Not only do we prank, but we get into a hell of a lot of fights too.

The worst one would probably have to be the time after the Quidditch Match with Slytherin and Prongs ("with my magnificent skills"...so he says) caught the snitch and crowning Gryffindor Quidditch Cup champions for 1975. And they lost it! Sebastian, our captain, and Prongs had it coming. They were rubbing it right in their faces. Sebastian copped a broken nose and Prongs with just a few scratches. Half the Slytherin team were in the hospital wing for a week. First we kick their ass in Quidditch, and then again in a punch up!

Too good I tell you.

Cept then we get planted in Detention.

But that's what Peters for. Blame it on him. Poor kid, he does a lot for us.

Then there's Moony. And he's good for one thing too. When you have an assignment or essay due in, Moony is the one to go too. Its so awesome, he does your work for you! But as he's doing it, he goes on about how he wont be there to help us when we're older and we'll never learn anything if we spend our days pranking and getting into trouble. But where's the fun in learning?

But we've learnt from experience. Moony IS no fun sometimes.

So that leaves me and Prongs to do all the dirty work. But hey, it pays off. Especially when it comes to getting chicks. But I'll explain about females later. I've spent my entire entry bragging how great we are.

But it's true. We're famous. Ask anyone!

Cept Slytherins. They might bash you. Don't ask them.


	4. The Chicks

**A/N:** _I decade this Chapter to Nimisha because she rawks my sawks._

**6/12/1977**

Right, i've been putting this subject off for a while, so now I might as well get on with it. After all this explaining stuff and me going blah blah blah all the time, we'll get to the good stuff. The stuff that happens all day, every day for the Marauders. That will be decent stuff I can look back on when i'm 20 something. Lord, thats ancient.

The chicks!

Oh, we have to start with Evans. I think she would be insulted if I didn't start with Evans. I can imagine her now, red hair pinned up high with green eyes flashing with anger saying something along the lines of "SIRIUS BLACK! WHY DID YOU NOT START WITH ME IN YOUR 'CHICKS' SECTION IN YOUR JOURNAL!" How she would have found out? I don't know, but she has her ways, that women.

Oh yes, she does have her ways.

-A Quick random reminder to Prongs who I KNOW IS READING THIS BECAUSE I'VE SEEN YOU WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING!...I do NOT like Lily, so don't get all hypered up over nothing. She's all yours mate.-

**Miss Lilith Lily Evans** - _Currently being stalked by: JAMES POTTER_  
When it comes to Lily, I think James is literally brain-washed or something crazy. He is really, and I mean really obsessed with that girl. He would give up everything for her. Quidditch, Pranking, Position as a Marauder Okay, not THAT far But you get the picture, don't ya? You see, I can't remember half the things James has been called by her. Ohh! I remember when James said she had a bad temper. Guess how this lead out:

'My temper? Merlin's Beard James! I wouldn't have such a temper if you weren't such a... such a.... egotistical, arrogant, big-headed, selfish, nasty, bullying moron!'

Really, that is harsh. Sure, James might be a egotistical, arrogant, big-headed, selfish, nasty and a bully, but certainly not a MORON...was he not?

I swear, if those two ever get together, its the end of the world. Even worse, can you imagine them getting married?! Lily Potter..and they could have little red-headed, quidditch fans kiddies running around all over the place. Thats a sight I would pay to see!

Chances of them hooking up: **0.0000000000000000000000001**

**Miss Danielle Danni Heights:** - _Currently infatuated by: REMUS LUPIN_  
Right. At least we have someone "sane" in our little group of mischief. Although Moony would rather drop dead then to admit he likes Danni, I can certainly tell he's got the hots for her. I see him glanced down the table in the great hall at breakfast, lunch AND dinner, oftenly catching eye contact and smiling innocently, trying to hide the blush spreading over his cheeks with Danielle being a quiet chick doing the same.

Really, Remus is too shy for his own good. You would think after years of following the likes of us, he would learn to BE outgoing and confident like us Us is usually refered to me and Prongs, considering Peter is just a tag-along. I should hook them up on a date. No, even better, shove them both in a closet together and refuse to let them out unless they snog for five minutes straight.

It would be a big accomplishment for Remus. He would do us proud.

Chances of getting together: **85**

Not bad, not bad.

**Miss Rose Rosie Fitzpatrick** - _Currently stared at by: PETER PETTIGREW_  
Who would have thought, our own little Wormtail had discovered life by noticing females. Yes, he does fancy someone. Not much taste he has, mind you. Shes a fat Okay, not fat, plump little short thing in Slytherin, who has the loudest, most cringing laugh you've ever heard in your life. It sends a shiver up and down my spine every time she lets that open mouth loose. Ugh.

Chances of getting together: Do I need to even justify the chances?

**Every single girl in the whole Castle** - _Are all currently stunned by the amazingly good looks of: SIRIUS BLACK_  
I have my own fan club for christ sakes. They'll be lining up to ask me to the Yule Ball.

I think that sorts it all out for now. Anyway, I was going to leave it there even if I did have anything else to talk about. My hand is starting to hurt from all this writing and I'm starving.

-Signing off,  
**S.B**


	5. The Snowball Fight

**A/N:**_ I was so amazed to see 11 reviews sitting in my email inbox to be read, just over night! Thank you to everyone, except Buckbeak777 who goes around dissing everyones stories. Thanks for the advice, I shall "die and go to hell", maybe you could improve your stories too..by..uh..learning spelling/grammar? Indeed. So now i'm sitting here, not really wanting to write, and my clock reads 10:04PM when it looks like its mid-day outside...Kay I need to fix my clock._

**19/12/04**

Don't shoot me for lack of update. Things have been busy. And my hands are freezing. It's as if they've frozen over, I can barely write!

I think it was because Prongs stole my winter gloves and threw them in the lake. Pratt.  
Oh yeah, and the giant Snowball fight we just had (and I came out alive) might be the reason why my hands a stone cold numb. Cause, y'know..picking up snow and everything..cause it's icy...

Peter did something AMAZING today! He threw a decent snowball! It was classic!

Now, if you don't know Peter then I advise you shouldn't start "trying" to know him. He's short, hes plum and he kind of looks like your thumb with that round head of his. Separated at birth, Peter Pettigrew, and your thumb. On with the story, he's a bit slow. And gets pretty excited over the things we do. For Peter, there is no religion. Because we (Prongs and I) are his gods. If we said "Hey Wormtail, I'm bored, go jump off that cliff over there for me", He would do it. Really, he would.

About the Snowball, well Prongs started the fight (How unusual). Just because HE was bored, he spent half the day making a snow bunker, stocked up on snowballs then decided if he wanted to make this Snowball fight a decent fight, there has to be some sort of conflict to start it. So he stole my gloves. Off my own hands for God sakes! Here I was, being the innocent little angel I was, reading the daily prophet (Oh okay, you think of something better to do) in front of the fire in "my arm chair" (Explain that later) when came out of NO WHERE, snatched my gloves off my hands and bolted out the portrait hole. My first reaction was "What the hell..." before I realized I wanted those gloves because my fingers would get cold, so I chased him. Stupid fricken pratt.

Naturally, he lead me out towards the grounds, and he had already gotten Peter onto his team (He's very useful for practice shots) and threw my gloves into the lake. Now, anyone would think the Lake would be frozen over in the middle of winter, and it was, but a the exact time he threw them, a stupid gust of icy cold wind blew it even futher onto the lake, and I didn't know if was safe to walk on the ice that far out. I decided to take my chances and go for it. I was about to take my first step onto the ice when WHAM!

Prongs had thrown a snowball from his snow bunker. And hit me. Right in the back of the head.

I narrowed my eyes at my "BEST FRIEND" and scrambled behind some random tree that I had never noticed before and plotted my attack (And brushing the snow out of my precious, perfect hair). He already had Peter and was prepeared, so I would have had to start from scratch.

It took me around five minutes on average to make quite a few Snowballs. AND ATTACKED!

Mind you, i'm an amazingly good thrower/aimer, so I got perfect shots all the time.

The first show hit Wormtail square in the face. He was happening to stick his round head over the bunker to see what I was doing when he copped it. I could hear Prongs laughter all the way from where I was standing. Wormtail didn't find it very funny.

And thats when it began.

A couple of other guys from Gryffindor and Ravenclaw jumped in with the fight as well. And soon, nearly everyone on the grounds were watching us. Thats a heck of a lot of people. There was snow flying everywhere! People ducking and diving, laughter ringing through the air all because of us. Well, Prongs. And me.

Andthis is the part where Wormtails's snowball throw comes in.

Now, Wormtail has always always sucked at everything. Homework, Pranks, Getting chicks and above all, throwing Snowballs. So this, was truly amazing coming from him.

He took the snowball.  
He threw the snowball at me.  
It missed me...  
And hit a Slytherin in the head.

Now, of course Mr. Slytherin (He was a year older than us, so I dunno what his name was) was extremely pissed off (Prongs in the background: NICE SHOT!). He gawked at me like I had just insulted his entire family, full names and all. Then he realized, since i'm standing two feet away from him, and I couldn't have possibly attacked him. So, while his brain damaged mind takes it time to 'LOOK IN THE DIRECTION OF THE ATTACK', I look behind him to see Bellatrix almost skipping up to him.

"Rastaban!" She gasps, half in shock and half puffed from 'skipping' in the snow. "Oh my lord, are you okay?" She places a hand on his shoulder and helps him brush off the snow off his coat (And overly large head) before she realizes i'm staring at her strangely. "Take your pathetic little friends else where, Sirius!" She hissed, while flicking her hair at the same time like she was an angry supermodel and pointed a bony finger towards the castle doors. "And get a life while you're at it"

Naturally, I raised an eyebrow and did a small little bow for my cousin "Trixie, darling" I answered back (She hates me calling her Trixie..Uh..thats because her name is Bella'trix' incase you're a little slow) "I'm sorry, I didn't know your thick boyfriend here needed a female bodyg-"

"GO! NOW!" Bellatrix shrieked. Stupid cow. Half way through my come back too.

So that concludes the day for today. I found out Bellatrix has a boyfriend, which could be useful. I didn't get my gloves back. I'll have to get them tomorrow now. Stupid James. (It's funny because I know he's going to read this sooner or later. He'll be laughing at it with me when we're 50 something. Now THATS ancient!)

Hah! Its so close to Christmas now. The BEST time of year. Christmas with the Marauders isalways interesting.

For now, My hand is aching again and Evans is across the room, occasionally looking up from her book to take in the fact, that yes, I am actually writing something. I think shes hoping James doesn't find her.

The-best-guy-for-getting-chicks-and-is-great-at-everything,  
Padfoot

**A/N:**_ I hope you're HAPPY now! I started this chapter at 2:04PM and its now 6:17PM. Thats over four hours of work. Most of it was used up waiting for inspiration to hit me. Not very good inspiration, mind you. Well, that should keep y'all happy untill next time. I might write a new chapter before Friday, if not, i'll see you on Monday (I'm going on Holiday). Untill next time!_


	6. An Amusing Christmas

**A/N:** _Many thanks to "thehpgang" for the corrections in my last chapter. Me being tired and spelling "prat" wrong and the stupid site who gave me "Rastaban" instead of Rabastan. Thanks for spotting that out. I'm far too lazy to correct it. My beach holiday was fabulous and i'm in a great mood, so hopefully this chapter will work out okay. Ahhahaha! I just realized I wrote "04" in the last diary date. Damnit, sorry! Firstly, this is set in 1977 and its not even 2004 anymore. How stupid am I?_

**25/12/77**

Merry Christmas Asses!

Even though its basically over (Yeah, its around 5PM) it was a fabulous day. Prongs got me heaps new stock on the latest prank gear (It's not all too bad, that kid) while I basically gave him the same stuff and some odd quidditch stuff so he's a happy camper. I got Moony this book that he mentioned on Christmas Eve he didn't have (It was like he knew I didn't have his present yet) and I got Wormtail some chocolate. Which he's eaten it all, already.

In return, Moony gave me chocolate (I aint complaining) and Wormtail..well, Peter gave me socks. And one has a hole in them. I think Prongs threw them out the window. He likes throwing my possessions around.

Evans got me this book with really cool stuff in it. I think shes trying to prove females are far better at getting thoughtful gifts than males. I don't even remember what I got her. Must of been something basic, other wise Prongs would get all shifty-eyed on me. (No, mate, i'll say it again, I do NOT like her. Now piss off)

From the family, I got nothing. Which isn't a surprise because I got them nothing. Wait, no, Andromeda gave me a card. It wasn't anything special. This is what it looked like in very messy scrawl.

**Sirius.**

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.**

**Andy.**

Ha! It looks like a muggle card. She didn't even write the text in between. I think shes trying to be nice without her sisters knowing. Two words for god sakes, why did she even bother?

Thats only one of the few cards I received today. I got a bunch of them from various different females. Some younger, most of them in my year. I love this one.

**Dearest Sirius,**

**May your Christmas be filled with laughter and joy for the holiday season.**

**I hope you like this card. I picked it out especially from you. I case you forgot, My name is Katelyn Banshai and I sit directing behind you in History Class. Merry Christmas!**

**Lots of love, Katelyn.**

I had no idea who this chick was untill now. I must check next History class to see if shes good looking or not.

Theres many more of these cards, just that one was a personal favorite because I didn't know who she was.

Now, as usual, we had to have a classic christmas prank. And we sat, and we thought to ourselfs, who hates Christmas the most? Slytherins. So, why not shout them a little bit of holiday spirit?

5AM this morning our prank took place. The entire Slytherin common room and dorms (Hah! We know where it is because we have our ways) were flooded in by good old cheery Christmas carols. Very, very loud, christmas carols. And it was basically impossible to stop. We drove them mad. They whined, they complained, they spat and the KNEW it was us. The carols finally shut off at 11AM when Professor DuLac found out where the sound was coming from. He was not impressed, and we also have detention. It was worth it.

The Christmas ball is tomorrow night, I've had chicks left right and center lining up to ask me to go with them. I'm picking them out carefully. I'm down to about 3 good looking ones who i'm still deciding on. Prongs thinks I should interview them all then make up my mind. But at the same time, he's pissed off because Evans is going with Carlos Sabine (her current boyfriend in Hufflepuff) Oh, aren't him and Prongs the bestest mates!

Ah crap. I would love to stay and chat more about the greatest Christmas ever, but you see, I have to go down to the Christmas feast soon (YES! Good food!) followed by the traditional party in the Gryffindor Common Room, which is rarely disappointing. We have drinks, and more drinks. And usually, people hook up because they're drunk (I can tell Prongs is excited about that...Wormtail too)

So, i'll explain everything in the next few days.  
- Mr. Perfect Christmas Charmer.


	7. Party of the Year

**A/N:** _I'm on an idea role. Woohoo! Decaded to Sharon this time, because I love her and her friendship with me. Just a quick warning, this chapter contains a bit of adult material than the other chapters. So please, I recommend 13 for this chapter. Oh yes, Thanks Maiden-of-hope, i've been getting pop-up emails from your reviews over the last 10 minutes. Hahaha! Thanks heaps._

**29/12/77**

NEWS! NEWS! BIG NEWS! SPECTACULAR WONDERFUL NEWS!  
Actually, thats a lie. Its not..spectacular. Nor Wonderful. I got way too ahead of myself. Its just big news, I guess. Amusing. This entry is going to be long, I can sense it. My poor writing hand.

The GCR Party was mad! Insane, crazy, completely out of control! As usual, Prongs and I had snuck down to the kitchens to find the stock of left over alcohol from the staff at the Christmas feast (which is always a lot of booze) and snuck it up back up to the Common Room using James invincibility cloak. Ah, we've had good times together, us and the cloak.

That sounded dirty.

Anyway, around the early hours of the morning, heck, everyone was pissed off their brain. Rumors had it that two year sevens had taken their business upstairs in the dorms and everyone spent a whole 40 seconds wolf whistling and cheering about it. But you know what the funniest thing about this is? MOONY WAS DRUNK!

It was hilarious! The innocent Marauder, the only one usually doing his homework was stumbling around the room looking for something to hold himself up with. He approached me and our conversation went something like this.

"Sirius, 'o I look 'runk?"

"Nah mate, just a bit deformed"

We were both pissed at that stage. It was only half an hour later when he was snogging Danni over in the corner. Hahaha! Go Moony! If he read this, he'd kill me. I think he almost died of embarassment the next day.

Ah, the next day.

I awoke on the couch. Which was a bit weird, because I was sure the couch was on the other side of the room during the party. But that wasn't the weirdest party. The room, was completely smashed. Chairs tipped upside down, glass bottles everywhere, food all over the food (and walls) and even toilet paper hanging from the back bookcases and large grandfather clock. I lifted myself up, untill I realized that wasn't a good idea with the massive head ache I got when I did. God damn hangovers. I was about to stand up when a flash of red hair caught my eye...

Lying directly next to the couch on the floor with arms spread out all over the places, lay Lily Evans sleeping soundly with her usual dead straight red hair in messy rat tails as a pillow. Under neath her closed eyes she had a dark ring of bags a looked like she did have quite a rough night.

"Shit" I muttered, stepping my feet over her body and standing up, using the fireplace in front of me to prevent stumbling backwards. Holy crap! What was Evans doing there? Oh god, I didn't get with her, did I? James would murder me. Really, he would strangle me and that would kill our friendship forever. Frowning, I bent down and poked Evans lightly, then nudging her arm to wake her up.

"Oh god" another voice said across the other side of the room. It was Remus. And he looked like the day after the full moon, cept probably a bit worse (I'll explain that later on). He stepped over a couple of sixth years snoring on the floor in front of him and made his way over to me. "I think i'm going to be sick"

"Welcome to the life of hang overs" I muttered staring down at Evans again, still sleeping. "What did you get up to?"

Moony tended to look at his feet at this comment " 't w'th 'nn'"

"Wha?" I asked, sending him a frown and almost tumbling over while I did.

"I said I...I woke up and there was Danni"

"You didn't say that"

"I know, but what I said sounded rude and slang"

"Like me and Prongs?"

"Prongs and I" he corrected me.

"You don't change, hungover or not" I snorted, and stepped over a couple of broken pieces of furniture (uh-oh) and tried to remember anything about last night. Surely, if I'd gotten with Evans, James would have crash tackled me away from her, wouldn't he? "Well, I woke up and Evans was there"

"That can't be good.." Remus rubbed his templates and attempted to flatten his morning-hung-over hair standing on end looking quite like Prong's everyday hair style. "Where is James anyway?"

I'll cut out the descriptive writing now and just get on with the point now. Turns out I didn't get with Evans (Thank god) and some girls had said she'd passed out and lied her next to me just to start something between me and James. And Prongs, Hah! He woke up OUTSIDE in a TREE. Apparently, from some first year witnesses who were too innocent to get drunk, said he did a dare and got stuck so went to sleep. I think he's a bit pissed off that he didn't get with Evans.

Remus did get with Danni, and was ever so embarrassed about it, but she took up all her courage and asked him on a date (I think she would burst into tears if he rejected her). So next Hogsmede weekend, they'll be going together. Evans thinks their adorable together. I roll my eyes at that sort of stuff.

I would write about the ball, but i'll do that next entry because my hand is about to fall off and Peter will probably eat it. We don't want that now, do we?

Better-off-drunk-than-sober,  
**Sirius**


	8. The Ball Disaster

**A/N: **_I'm really sorry for the delay. I've written this chapter twice and lost it both times. Plus, i've just come back from my holiday. I'm sorry everyone. By the way, I love you guys, my reviewers. You rock my world!_

_---Like Marauder stories? Look up 'Danniful' for another good one. Danni rocks my world. Free Plug!---_

_Also, Sorry Danni for stealing your character/quotes from our RP's. You rock._

**30/12/77**

Argh. News keeps happening before I get to write it down! I can tell you this is going to be a disaster of an entry because the ball wasn't too crash hot. Ohh no. Both me and Prongs had seen better days.

Around 4PM I was causally seated in my 'own personal' arm chair stuffing myself with left over chocolate that I got for Christmas while flipping through the REALLY COOL STUFF book that Evans gave me. Its about everything! Well, world records in the Wizardry history, thats what it really is. Prongs and I especially like the "Most broken bones in a Quidditch Match" one, where it has a picture to go with the description. Poor guy. ZOOOOM right into the goal post. Fell at least 70 feet and broke over 30 different bones.

Anyway, at around 4PM I get at least 10 girls running into the common room, one after the other as they prance around (stop to stare at me for a moment with dreamy sighs) and run up the stairs leading to the girls dorms. "Come on!" one of them said. "We need to put on eyeliner, blush, lipstick and any other crap we need to put on our faces to look beautiful!" Okay, I added in that last bit. But really, who needs 4 HOURS to dip their faces in chemicals and chuck on a pretty fabric? I could do it in five minutes!

Not that i've ever tried to Cross dress in five minutes...

I'll skip the next few hours. ZOOOOM!  
Its a ten to eight, and Prongs and I are standing in front of the mirror, gawking at ourselves in disbelief. I'm jealous of Prongs. His family has money to buy good dress robes. As do mine, but they don't want to spend good money on me. Can I report that as Child abuse? Well, while we're gawking, Prong's every-day-sticking-up-hair-style is pissing off Moony, so he makes a comment about it.

"James, you might want to put your ha-"

"No"

"Well..at least just for-"

"No"

"But-"

"No"

And that was final. Time to go!  
Ah! I forgot about the dates. Very amusing, a high light of the night. Prongs tried to get Evans, but failed ever so badly. You see, shes decided her boyfriend Carlos Sabine of Hufflepuff would be more sensible. Poor James. He's off with a ditzy blonde in Gryffindor called Serena. Why the hell he picked her? God knows. She calls him Jamie, which he hates more than anything in the world. I love taunting him. "Yo Jaime!" Dodge the flying book aimed at my head.

Remus went with Danni, no surprise.

Peter went with no one, no surprise.

And I, well, I had a tough choice. I sat for hours (10 minutes) deciding whom would be the lucky lady to be my date to the Christmas Ball. The winner was Emily Howard, a drop dead gorgeous popular brunette in Ravenclaw. She's a stunner, that one. I think Prongs is jealous.

No, we were not LATE. Just because the great hall doors were closed and only the three girls remained outside waiting for us while everyone else was inside wasn't the point. Serena squealed and crash tackled Prongs so he almost fell over, her arms tightly wrapped around him. I wondered if he could even breathe.

Politely taking our dates arms, we made quite an entrance into the hall as we threw the doors open, almost turning every single head in the hall in our direction. I dazzled a smile for the crowd as we made our way through to the side lines. The hall looked decent. The four usual eating tables had disappeared and had left a large clearing in the center of the hall as a dance floor, where heaps of couples danced slowly hugging each other closely. Around the dance floor, small tables and chairs had been placed for the ones 'not' dancing. Which brings us to the beginning of the disaster...

Prongs had already be tugged over by Serena onto the dance floor, when Emily turned to me.

"Come dance with me!" She smiled, pulling lightly on my robe sleeve arm.

Firstly, I can't dance for Quidditch balls. And secondly, I don't want to dance. The Sirius Black does not dance. Not for anyone. Even if I got married to the hottest girl alive, I would not dance with her on my wedding day. "Uhh..." I started, looking around the hall for a way to get out of dancing. "I rather not.." I said to her slowly.

Emily pouted and tugged on my arm again, a bit harder than the first time. Need. Excuse. Quickly.

My eyes drifted over to Prongs where he had been smother by Serena, her arms draped around his lanky body, suffocating the poor boy as they danced slowly from one foot to the other. I had to hold in my laughter, it was an amusing sight. Prongs had caught me looking at him, and in result waved his wrists around in signal of help. I had to rescue.

I took Emilys hand and kissed her fingers lightly, dazzling her with my brilliant smile and did a small bow. "Excuse me madam, I have some business to attend to" She blushed a healthy pink and grin madly at her friends who were watching nearby. Chicks are so easy to impress.

I made my way over to the dying James and pushed my way through the both of them, grabbing Prong's robes by the back of his shirt and pulled him away "So sorry! Marauder business! Try to understand" I yelled back as we trotted away from the shocked Serena left standing in the middle of the dance floor by herself. Evans rolled her eyes at us and continued snuggling with pretty boy Hufflepuff Quidditch Captian. Watch James' 'I-am-jealous' meter fly!

"Thanks heaps, I owe you one" Prongs thanked me, staring back at the sulky Serena.  
"Yeah, whatever. Go stalk Evans now" I pushed him in the direction of the couple just before thinking again and grabbing the back of his collar and shoving him back. "No, wait. Bad idea..go.." I looked around the hall and saw a table holding food and drink "..spike the punch" And I threw him in the direction of the table. Now, for Emily.

I was just starting to look around for her when she came up behind me and pulled on my arm for the zillionth time that night. "It's too crowded here, lets go outside" Yeah. Outside sounded like a great idea.  
She lead me out onto the deserted balcony where the half moon shined down onto a sprouting fountain surrounded by rosebushes with dancing live Christmas coloured fairies pranced. She took me to the edge of the fountain and sat down, hugging onto my left arm.

She was up to something. And I was liking it. She smiled gently at me before speaking. "I just wanted to thank you for picking me..out of all those girls.." she said dreamily. This was too good to be true. I opened my mouth to reply but she leant forward and pressed her lips up against mine. That was quick.

Now, don't get me wrong, i've kissed plenty of girls in my day. Just the fact that she was sticking her tounge into my mouth, in front of an open balcony, free for the whole hall too see and sitting on a fountains edge was slightly disturbing. But what the hell. I was enjoying all of this until I realized both my cousins, Bella and Narcissa where busy staring at me from inside the hall as well as Emily's friends from beforehand.

Without thinking (nor wanting Bella or Narcissa to tell mum anything, that would be murder) I grabbed Emilys shoulders and pushed her off me. She lost her balance and tumbled straight into the fountain with a cringing splash. I jumped to my feet and stared down at her, left leg sticking up and soaking brunette hair fallen in front of her eyes. She looked like she was about to explode with anger, along with the howling laughter of the Slytherin twits standing by. Time to run.

I skipped backwards and turned just in time to run into Prongs. "Hey, I spiked the punch and-" he took a glance behind me and saw Emily beginning to step out of the fountain "...Oh shi-"  
"Run!" I exclaimed, pulling him away and pushing past my cousins as rough as I could.

Well, the rest is pretty basic from then on. The only two who had a good time was Remus and Danni, which Moony prefers to keep quiet about. Shy bookworm, that one. Prongs is avoiding Serena as to I with Emily. Apparently she was sobbing though the rest of the night to her friends, voweling never to be my date for anything ever again. Really, it's not MY fault she wanted me in the first place. And to top it all off, i'm also avoiding my cousins. I don't need their crap.

What a lovely night.

Hit-and-run-champion,  
**Sirius**


	9. Struck with Illness

**A/N: **_Ho Hum. I got very bored, and I hope you can view this. But go to this site:  
http:img196.exs.cx/img196/408/funny6yv.png  
Its a note between James and Sirius during Potions class. And yes, Remus does make an appearance too._

_Short Chapter, Sorry folks!_

**1/1/78**

Ha-Ha-HACHOO! New year...

Sniff. I feel terrible. I don't know what I've done to myself, but I've come done with a death threatening head cold. Prongs is out starting snow fights with Wormtail down in the grounds (twats), and Moony keeps me company most the time by doing his homework in the boys dorms on his bed so I don't feel completely alone. I should go to the hospital wing, but nobody else but the rest of the Marauders know I'm sick. Its Friday today, being a holiday for new years day...so I've got the next too days of the upcoming weekend to regain health. The ladies will be missing my smile.

Oh yes, I received a wonderfully delightful howler from my mother today. It was a total of 13 minutes and 48 seconds long (I asked Moony to time it). It wasn't too bad, because lucky everyone is out on the grounds in the snow to hear my mothers shrieks up in the Gryffindor Boys Dorms. She went on about _everything_. Remember how I mentioned how my family were nutters and to them I was a traitor? Well, she bought that up too. Her main purpose was the news of kissing Emily in front of my deformed cousins, who happily skipped off to write an owl to her. I practiced my "Do-I-look-like-I-give-a-damn?" look on the howler while it screamed at me. I think Moony thought it was strange I was looking boredly dull in front of a piece of talking parchment.

And to top it all off with a big red cherry, Full Moon tomorrow night.  
Oh bugger, I haven't explained Full moon yet, have I? Well, now this journal HAS to be top secret. I'll scribble "Top fricken secret, don't OPEN!" on the front some more in a moment. Also, I think I need a better hiding place than my sock drawer, because Wormtail knows I keep this journal in there. And he's as thick as two wooden planks, So I need a new spot. Probably under my mattress or something clever.

WWMD? (What Would Moony Do?)

Speaking of Moony, AND my previous subject, I must explain the secret behind everything here. The names, the full moon, everything. I'm going to write this down once and only once because if this gets out, I will never be forgiven.

Remus Lupin is a Werewolf.

Yeah, thats right. Moony, the poor bloke suffers once a month at full moon. He becomes an uncontrollable beast. The only people who know about this "inner beast" would be his parents, Dumbledore and of course, us. The Marauders. Thats..when we kick in. To help Moony out, we are illegal Animagus's and transform into our animal on Full Moon. Yeah, this is where the names things kick in. Peter's a rat (Wormtail) and James is a stag (Prongs). And moi? None of or less, a lovely black dog (Padfoot)

Oh the excitement. Cough. Cough.

So thats the secret. Shhh!

Oh no, Ohhhh shhiiiittttt!  
I'm going to cry. I really am. Quidditch practice is tomorrow afternoon. Argh! Really, what kind of idiot organizes a practice in the snow? That would be Captain Prongsie over there.

Oh? Didn't you know? James is Quidditch Captain of the Gryffindor team. Indeed, he is the popular one. I just play little old beater. Which is a good position for me, because I love sitting 50 meters in the air smacking around objects at my enemies (Its the best when we're playing against Slytherin). I'm rather quite good at it, if gotten a few numb-skulls smack-BANG on the noggin.

I better get rid of this stupid cold soon. Otherwise i'm going to be extra extra pissed off with the world.  
I'm going to be an angry teenager. WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?

Its the World VS Me.  
The lies you tell me leave scars on my wrists.  
My suicide note is going to say 'F you all!'  
I'm turning gothic.

I sound like Snivelly. ARGH! Scratch all of the above!

Holy shizzle-sticks! Something just hit my window next to me. It hit the glass with a loud thud and scared Moony and I so we jumped out of our skins! It wasn't a snow ball, or there would be traces of snow on the glass. Whoa, maybe it was a deranged bird on drugs.

Hmm..Theres a prank idea.

I better get going. Moony is giving me the evil eye every 20 seconds that has "Get some bed rest" written all over it. you cannot escape the eye of Moony.

Dying-slowly-in-depression,  
**Sirius.**


	10. Rant

**A/N:** _Hello Dearest Readers! I must remind you, i'm not on School holidays anymore. So I have less and less time to update chapters. I'm finding myself typing bits here and there every few days or so. So don't worry, I don't think i'll dump this story in a hurry._

_I'll answer a few questions I got in my reviews before hand.  
_**Schnebz:** _No! I'm not American. Far from it, actually, hehe. I'm purely Australian. Thanks for reading though!  
_**Jedi Knight Padme:**_ Thank you for the idea. I'll consider Sirius trying to gain Emily (His ball date) back. If I use the idea, I shall credit you.  
_**Pain and Tears:**_ Funny, but not random eh? Lol, I always thought this fic was extremely random, thank you for the compliment! I know, I need to make my chapters longer. The last one was so short due to writers block and having a busy week, I promise this one will be longer. Also, I know Sirius wasn't probably on the Quidditch team, but we can't let James have all the glory now, can we? ;-)  
_**ckjr:**_ I'm quite aware I made the mistake of putting "2004" instead of "1977" in a previous chapter. I even said it in the next chapter in the Authors Note that I made that mistake. I'm far too lazy to correct it._

_Another quick note: MY YEAR TIME LINE IS WRONG BUT I DON'T CARE. Marauders are in sixth year. End of story. Hehe._

_One final note, Ladies, This is the mind of a real male. Read and learn._

**10/1/78**

I'M FREE OF THE MAN EATING COLD!  
Yes, it was man eating. Why? Because it could eat you whole. It destroyed your insides and made you flop about hopelessly in bed for a whole 2 days. Prongs and Moony suggested I missed Full Moon, which went down rather badly. I'd never missed Full Moon before, but I forced myself out of bed and collapsed onto the ground face first. So I missed Full Moon. Do you have any idea how pissed off I am about that? James got all the fun to himself, stupid prat.

Wormtail does nothing. He just presses the knot in the Womping Willow. Oops, I've written too much.  
Moony taught me to produce a locking spell to put onto the diary, so if anyone without my wand wanted to open it, they would have to literally blow it up first. So it's quite safe now. Moony still doesn't want to read my journal, but i'm itching to read his.

Prongs reads this occasionally. Sometimes when he's had a row with Evans he'll crawl up onto his bed feeling sorry for himself and flick through the pages, looking for any signs of his name or anything else that could be juicy. He's so pathetic, that one sometimes.

I'm dying here, people, I need to prank someone and quickly.  
I don't care if its the old Truth-drink or the Cussing Toilet, I NEED TO PRANK! I need councilling. Wheres Moony when you need him? Lord, we're would we be without Moony? I have some faint idea, either dead or expelled. One of those.

Oh no, I can't bare the fact of being expelled. I'd rather die than return back to THAT family. My mother treating me like I was some kind of disgusting stranger, my brother throwing crude (and in his opinion, witty) comments at my way. The two cousins from hell. Can you even imagine what the family reunions would be like! I would poison my own potatoes and die quietly under the table. No, I wouldn't need to, Mother would poison them for me before she served my dinner to me.

Thats if they even bothered to cook me dinner.  
My family is here, in Hogwarts where I belong.

I have another topic to discuss. Females. I can't understand Prongs, he wants Evans to be his girlfriend so badly. Why on earth would you want a girlfriend! They're over-rated. Its like being trapped in a cage with someone throwing away the key. No longer can you flirt with other girls and run freely in the meadows of the single life! You're stuck with one girl who hassles you about talking, commitment and remembering birthdays and anniversarys. Oh god, What if I got married?

I'm depressed now. Writing in my own journal is depressing me. I want to live the free singlelife forever!  
When i'm 30, I could be walking down the street and still be good-looking. That is the ONE thing in the world I'm..sorta..thanking my family for. My amazingly good looks. Other sixth year maleslook at me and think "How did he get to look so good?" Especially Peter. He thinks that a lot. I know it.

I really don't get the whole 'love' thing like Prongs does. He's so obsessed with that women, she could get him to do anything we wanted. If Prongs had to choose between cloned Snivelly's set up for prank targets and kissing Lily Evans, he would go for the girl. I mean COME ON! Somebody needs to slap that boy with a fresh cold tuna fish.

You do realize, this entire journal entry has been a rant? I guess you could call it stress relief. Relief from the suffering of having nightmares about getting a girlfriends. If I announced at breakfast tomorrow morning that i'd rather kiss Snivellus behind than get a girlfriend, I wouldn't be surprised to see 3 or 4 girls running out of the hall with uncontrollable tears streaming down their faces. Also they're will be many disappointed faces onmostof the girls. Many.

Bah. I'm so full of myself. As if i'd say something like that to all those gorgeous girls out there.  
Oh...but..theres the ugly ones. Some of them just have to look at you and send a shiver up and down your spine.

But if I had to date someone, it would probably be Emily. In fact, I would go back out with Emily in a second. Cancel everything I said above, shes worth being locked in a cage with the key thrown away (only if shes in there with me). One tiny, insy little problem...she loathes me. Hates my guts.

Prongs. Why can't we get the women we want the most?  
I am quite aware i've gone from never wanting a girlfriend, to wanting a girlfriend in one single entry, but I really do think a lot while I write, you know. I mean, I don't mind being bossed around by Emily. She can do whatever she wants to me.

Prongs and I got kicked out of the library today. You know how you can make those fart like noises when you cup your hand under your armpit? I swear, that never gets old. It was hilarious. Apparently we were 'disrupting students'. Come on, wheres life without a bit of humour?

I ran into Evans today. And by the term 'ran' I actually meant I crashed into her while I skidded down the 4th floor corridor this afternoon. Her books went flying everywhere, and she didn't seem to impressed with me but she wasn't hurt. I quickly glanced over my shoulder in case Prongs wasn't spying and helped her with her books (You see, small things like these gets James supercious quickly). She thanked me, and was on her way. But typically, 5 minutes later (I was walking in case I ran into any other females) Prongs grabbed me roughly by the shoulder blades and pulled me aside.

"What. The. Hell." he breathed at me slowly. Rolling my eyes, I pushed him away and explained for the 700000000000000000000000 time that, no, I was not 'into' her. I did not 'like' her, find her 'attractive' or want to 'get with her' in anyway what-so-ever. I repeat, 'He's so pathetic sometimes'

I told Moony this story, but he merely just shrugged. This sort of stuff doesn't happen with him, because Prongs is quite aware he's only got eyes for Danni. Another reason to get with Emily, to get Prongs off my case about Evans.

Would you look at the time! It's half past twelve and I haven't even started my Potions essay. Not...that I care about my homework..I just don't want to add another detention onto the weeks worth I got for hexing a Slytherin in my year after he insulted Wormtail. Kettleburn just happened to be standing a few metres away.

On-a-mission-from-god-to-get-a-chick  
**S.B**


End file.
